7 Ways To Overcome Mom Guilt Biblically

Hey there momma,

Today my prayer is that you not only get value from what I share on mom guilt, but also get freed or at least start to walk in the direction of transformation in this area of your life. If you thought you were alone, let me reassure you that you are not. Mom guilt can make you feel like a bad mom, but all good moms struggle with it. We always want the best for our children and will go to extents of sacrificing sleep, fun, time and comfort to give them the world. Here is what we will talk about today:

  • What mom guilt is
  • How to spot it
  • What you feel mom guilt for
  • 7 ways the Bible can help us overcome it

Three years ago when I had my first child ( I just had my second girl), I had my first experience with mom guilt. I can honestly say it had such a grip on me that looking back not only did I feel mentally trapped, but I also was not performing at my best. This time around I was able to catch it and not let it hold me back from the assignments I have been given by God for this season and the next. So let’s get started shall we and get over mom guilt?!

What Is Mom Guilt?

Let us start with a basic definition I found: it is a pervasive feeling of not doing enough as a parent. So essentially we worry about not doing things right. This is then where shame becomes about feelings of the self. Notice, I said feelings– feelings change by the moment. They are indicators but are never facts.

As moms, we have paint this unrealistic picture in our heads of everything we are to get accomplished in a day or do or even how our families are to be and operate. Mom guilt kicks in when reality and our perceptions do not align. Reality will always fall short of idolized images we create in our heads. Truthfully, as I’m writing this I can’t help but think of the Disney princesses… you know the fairytale ending each princess gets. I think that since we were little girls being exposed to those movies, we were set up for failure. Let me tell you, for as much as we all wish– NOTHING in life will ever be perfect and hardly ever how we picture or plan it. The answer is simple: God has the ultimate plan AND we are not perfect.

How To Spot Mom Guilt:

Mom guilt is like that mosquito you feel when it has already bitten you.. so at this point even if you kill it you already got bit and now you just have to wait for the bite to heal. Unlike the mosquito bite, there are ways you can spot mom guilt before it starts to take over your life. Mom guilt comes in many forms:

  • Having to make sure all things on our list are done in order to feel accomplished
  • Having to make sure the house is clean on top of all other todos that DAY (side note: cleaning your house is good– you can break down the chores or take a day to clean it all but cleaning a house AND doing 101 other million things is the recipe for chaos)
  • The burden of raising our kids even if there is another parent around
  • One word: perfectionism is in all the things we do or don’t do

What We Can Feel Mom Guilt For

We often feel mom guilt for so many scenarios that though they feel totally real, they are usually just thoughts created in our heads through guilt, shame, and fear. Below are some things you may feel or have felt in the past mom guilt for:

  • Not being patient enough (that ONE time you lashed out made you feel less than perfect and inadequate)
  • Having to go to work to provide
  • Not listening to our kids enough (we want our kids to feel heard)
  • Not being healthy enough or looking like other mommas (comparison is a thief of joy I tell you)
  • Not cleaning enough or often enough
  • Not having more money to provide more opportunities to our kids (this is a fix we can work on)
  • Having to step away for some “me” time whether it be doing your nails, going to the gym, going for a walk or just doing something you love (we create our own FOMO ((fear of missing out)) of not being there for them)
  • Not being pretty enough or as popular as other moms

7 Ways We Can Overcome Mom Guilt Biblically

  1. Write it out Sis– Make a list

The truth is sometimes we just need to brain dump! Some recommend to do this morning before you start your day and at night to leave the day behind. With you writing out a list of how you feel you are able to sort your brain out even more. Take a piece of paper, a pen, and set your timer for 5 minutes.. in that time just write and don’t overthink.

2 Corinthians 10:5 says, “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.

I like to be reminded reading even the scriptures before this to know that we fight battles spiritually! Writing this list out helps to sort what are thoughts of Christ (with fruits of the spirit as evidence: Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.) and what are not thoughts of Christ. Since we are told to take every thought captive and give it to the obedience of Christ it is important to know what thoughts are causing us turmoil and which are filled with the fruits of the spirit or even how God sees us! He says we are loved! He says we are chosen, do your thoughts reflect what His Word says about you?

If not, now is a good time to write out what thoughts are crossing your mind and after giving the guilt and shame to God which brings me to the second way to overcome mom guilt

2. Talk to God

Casting all your cares upon Him, for He careth for you. 1 Peter 5:7

Whenever I feel up, I talk to God about how I am feeling. Whenever I am feeling down, shameful, or even guilty I still talk to God. Why? He wants to create a relationship with us! Imagine if you had a relationship and you never shared how you feel with that person.. do you really trust them? Are they really in your life?

God wants to be apart of your every day life and not just on Sundays for that hour. There is no one way to talk to God..soemtiems my prayers sound like this: “God, I am feeling (this way right now). I know that you haven’t called me to feel fearful or shameful, but I can’t help but to do so. I don’t feel like I am good enough to etc etc”. Honesty and transparency will get you so much farther than a factory created prayer. Allow these moments of weakness to strengthen your relationship with God and your prayer life.

3. Give yourself grace

The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness” Exodus 34:6

Now, all throughout the Bible, we see different accounts and examples of God and His grace towards humanity. The biggest example is when He sent Jesus to die on the cross for our sins.

Yet God, in his grace, freely makes us right in his sight. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins. Romans 3:24

My point? IF GOD Almighty can give us humans grace when we just plainly deserve death.. who are you to not give that to yourself? Know that you are human and let your focus each day be what you CAN do. God gives us strength to do the things He has called us to do… the others we take on for our own effort are the ones we should be worried about. My daily question to God is ” What is on your heart for today?” and “Holy Spirit what is on the agenda for today”. Why? I do not want to operate outside of what God wants me to do for that day and He surely would not want you operating more than what you should each day.

I encourage you to ask him those 2 questions this week and watch how He will lead you.. naturally you will have grace for yourself because– you are human after all. Being a mom is not easy. We deal with so much each day and take on different tasks, but should not be at the expense of our peace.

4. Take time to renew your mind and heart

Our children benefit from us operating at our best. We can only do that if we take time to nurture ourselves. There isn’t a scripture that says go get your nails done or take some time for yourself to breathe and just think. However, we can always make moments in the day to create an environment of rest and renewal for our minds.

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

I did find this scripture that I wanted to point out. In these moments where you find yourself going to your nail appointment or to the spa take times to pray and ask Jesus to renew your heart and mind. While taking some time out for yourself don’t think about stressful moments, but rather take the time to think on things that are lovely and pure so when you get back home or back with your kids you have a new and fresh perspective.

5. Stop playing the comparison game!

Here’s another one where God doesn’t say “don’t compare to thy neighbor”, but He does talk about coveting.

‘And you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife. And you shall not desire your neighbor’s house, his field, or his male servant, or his female servant, his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor’s.’ Deuteronomy 5:21

To covet is to want what someone else has. Coveting reminds me of not watering your grass enough so you go and wonder why someone elses is green. Its only green where you water it.

Being a mother comes with a lot of layers and often it exposes what we need to work on. I used to compare myself to a lot, even my husband but that was because I wasn’t looking at what God placed in my hands. It is definitely okay to be inspired, but once you start to compare or idolize what someone else has you are missing the point. God has a different plan for everyone. Imagine how boring it would be IF we all were the same… that is how God’s plans are too.

When we compare, we tell God that His plan isn’t good enough to give us someone elses plans. When we compare, we shrink ourselves. We even belittle ourselves. When we compare to other mommas, we assume we know what they have walked through to get to where they are. Always remember, you may be on chapter 5 looking at someone who is on chapter 10.

6. Do first things first, second things second

I remind myself and my husband of this all the time. Sure, super heroes are cool, but that is not what we are called to be. I will never forget this quote I heard from John Maxwell “The reason most major goals are not achieved is that we spend our time doing second things first.” If we have 10 things on our list every day, we will not always get everything done. Being a mom means prioritizing and not stretching ourselves thin.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: Ecclesiastes 3:1

I, myself, have had to learn that the more I put on my list the higher chance I will not get it all done. I have come to learn how to time block. Time blocking is when you set periods for different chores and activities. So instead of doing all the laundry in one day on Monday I will do the girls’ laundry and Tuesday I will do my own. There is no need to feel like we have to do everything at once. Also, the thing about time blocking is grace. If I set an activity for 9am and get to it at 9:15 I will not add those 15 mins into the next thing the list but rather I will do all that I can in that time and then later in a different time block come back to it or schedule in another day and time to finish it. However, give yourself room for things to pop up such as the baby waking up earlier from her nap and now you have to feed her. The goal is to get the non-negotiables accomplished throughout the day. Realistically you can’t do it all. It is totally okay to not bite more than you can chew. You don’t need anyone’s validation, but God’s.

Remember, being a mom is a marathon. Take your time, but be efficient.

7. Don’t be afraid to say “no” or ask for help

Okay momma, this can be a tough one especially dealing with mom guilt! Saying no or asking for help does not mean you are incapable or desperate. It makes you human and you can only take on so much! collaborate with your spouse or someone you trust such as a family member. Set up play dates or times when your kid(s) go to grandma and grandpa’s house. Trust me, when my parents come to visit my husband and I joke that the kids are theirs for the time they are visiting… why? because it is good to take a break and if I need help with something I don’t feel ashamed in asking for it.

Think about this, you can say no or ask for help now and keep smooth sailing or you can ask when everything is already going under. Which do you think has less damage? The first right!

I get it, sometimes pride can get in the way, but your ego is not your amigo. If God really thought that we could do it on our own He would’ve never created Eve. He would have no set marriage as a prime example the church and He wouldn’t emphasize to keep good company around you. Raising children takes a village and with the right people around you.. you will be able to continue building upon the amazing momma you already are!

That is it for today! Again, I pray you got value on how to overcome mom guilt. The fact that you are here right now shows that you are already working towards overcoming it. Don’t stop there. Implement one or two of these at a time and let me know how it helps you!

Until next time!

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